Monday, April 30, 2012

A Once Young King to Be


Squinting
from apologies 
sentience sordidly
twizzled about
like cotton candy 

or perhaps taffy
is more appropriate here

In the paramount of spires
qualms barb
in ribbons and lace

Perfunctorily dancing
the evenings away

All for the salivary pleasures
of a very, very evil man…

Alice sings
about a once young
king to be
And
And
And…

For Open Link Monday at Real Toads

17 comments:

  1. Wow, the unsaid in the poem speaks volumes! Very nice!

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  2. I love the play of words and sounds you have here. It makes for a great mental exercise! (I think the pf up there should be of?)
    The evil man is effectively juxtaposed with the innocence of Alice singing of a lost childhood.

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    1. Kerry, thanks for pointing that out, completely went overlooked. Glad you enjoyed the piece.

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  3. Hi, Fred- I really like apologies twizzling like cotton candy. I'm wondering if the first word in line 14 should be of?

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    1. Laurie, thanks, yeah the pf was supposed to be of, you must have clicked the link before I updated it, Kerry was nice enough to give me a heads up on it as well. But thanks for looking out. I appreciate that. Thanks

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  4. I didn't catch the typo, damn the cat needs to be faster to gloat..LOL

    Quite the mushy image you gave today at your cave. Cotton candy and taffy would even keep the lips shut of poor old Daffy. Such evil indeed. As down the rabbit hole she goes, in don't such a formitable form.

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  5. nice word... sentience. And the beginning is just so good... Squinting from agpologies!

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  6. Often the unsaid is more important than what IS said. Your poem is a case in point!!!

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  7. I've succumbed to those salivary pleasures.......! Like Laurie, I love the twizzling imagery, too!

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  8. twizzling...like twizzlers. ha. love red licorice.

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  9. Ingenious and itchily delightful--I need to scatch my fantasy jones now. Love this particular stanza:
    "In the paramount of spires
    qualms barb
    in ribbons and lace.."
    Totally paints the picture--and the trailing off is tantalizing. Really liked it, Fred.

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  10. I was waiting for the ending lines...but you leave it to us readers to imagine the ending ~ Nice rhythm here Fred ~

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  11. nice....feels like the beginning of a tale that begs for more you know...i like how you play the man off alice...and her singing made me think of the once and future king...

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  12. Alice's childlike perspective is preserved in some way, you make that clear in your choice of words; but the loss of innocence so tragic in the other childish a subject that stays, for the most part, unspoken, to be left to the imagination of the reader.

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  13. Alot of things went through my head on this one. And because I just watched Game of Thrones last night, that was one, with that evil little shit Jaffrey....lol. Perfunctorily dancing...reminds me of how much politics and authority haven't changed over the years. Hung up on pomposity and lifting the undeserving up and placing them on pedestals crafted form the spines of hard working people....kind of the same now, xcept I have an Ipad....lol. Great writing.

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  14. Im not sure exactly what to make of this, Fred, but I absolutely LOVE it!!

    A wonderland of taffy and swirling cotton candy sound good, but the evil dude... not so much. :)

    xo

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  15. its a really concentrated swirl of a piece fred -
    feels targeted and restrained but shows just enough
    to stimulate the poetic juice -

    In the paramount of spires
    qualms barb
    in ribbons and lace


    Perfunctorily dancing
    the evenings away

    a postcard of potential.

    excellent in my mind :

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